I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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