batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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