is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
