i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
