Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you win again, gameday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize