I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
