You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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