On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
