I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
