Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
