I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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