ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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