thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
