we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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