Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize