I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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