I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
