So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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