Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
