I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
