Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
