Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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