I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
