So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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