Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
