If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
