Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
