well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
