all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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