thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
