I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she smelled like a LAN party
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
