And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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