i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
