Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
