I heard we made out
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
