Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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