i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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