What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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