the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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