You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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