she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
