So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
