Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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