morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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