its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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