Four minutes until I can fart!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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