I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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