sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Found the puke drawer
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
