I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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