Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
