My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
