I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
