I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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