I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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