Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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