If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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