It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
