I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
