HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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