Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize