By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
