Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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