i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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