I think I am morally bankrupt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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