I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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