I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
