I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
