I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
