i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
