So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
