I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
