he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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