i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
