if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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