What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
tell me about the eggs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
