at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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