I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dude. I can hear the air.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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